All American Alley Kat

I never know what to put on those forms. You know, the ones that ask you to label your ethnic background? What to choose, what to choose? Do I go by skin color? How about by largest percentage of heritage? Do I take into account the trip to Mexico my parents took when I was little? They were stopped at the border coming back into the States and detained to make sure I was really theirs and not some orphan waif. Personally, I think we need a new form, and so I have invented this:

Please Self-Describe Your Ethnicity:

100% this ethnicity:

50% this ethnicity:
50% that ethnicity:

Approximate percentages of multiple ethnicities:

Any possible ethnicities that you have no proof for:

Any suspected ethnicities that your family won't talk about:

Ethnicities that you would like to be:

Ethnicities that you lay claim to from a past life:

Species that you lay claim to from a past life:

Note: Genetic testing for ethnic markers will in no way invalidate your self-described ethnicity and is merely for medical risk factor associations only.

Really, the only reason for these kinds of forms is for the gathering of statistical data or for identifying medical risk factors. Someday soon it may be possible to trace every person's ancestry down to the last little detail, but for now, self-description will still have to do for most of us. In the meantime, when confronted with a form of this type, I may just have to write in a description or add the choice: All Of The Above.